By Quentin Patterson

Dating vs. Courting.  I met this beautiful woman at a restaurant one afternoon, and she was receptive to my approach as I simply asked her, “what’s your name?” A little bit later I just gave her my phone and asked for her number so we could get to know each other.  Again, she responded favorably to my bold approach. I didn’t reach out to her, it wasn’t because I wasn’t interested, but because she was so freaking gorgeous. I guess I was a bit nervous about going after her. In my mind, I told myself, “She would need my undivided attention” to keep her interested in me, and at that time I was working on a few things that took up my time. We did meet, we talked a few times, but I didn’t “apply pressure “to advance my interest in her. 

Her beauty grabbed my attention, but it was her voice and mindset about a few things that erupted in my heart like a volcano.  It’s been a while since I had this feeling so quickly about a woman I didn’t really know. What I did know about her was intriguing and it sparked something in me I thought was long gone.  I’ll pause with this bit of the story to ask myself this question; am I thinking about dating her or courting her?  Now I bet you’re asking yourself, what’s the difference?  Dating can be a series of events that will lead to long talks on the phone or when you’re out to dinner, watching Netflix and chilling together.

There are some dating experiences that lead to moving in together.  Sometimes these things don’t mean that you are looking to solidify the relationship with marriage.  I understand that some aren’t looking to become a husband or wife, and I won’t judge you on your decisions to marry or not to marry. However, if you’re looking to be in a monogamous relationship and if your expectations and desires haven’t been established, you can become unsatisfied in years to come.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with dating and keeping the legal paperwork out if it works for you.  Dating can leave the door open for the noncommittal to wander into the world of dating others while dating you.  Before you get upset and ready to throw your rebuttal at me; marriage doesn’t keep people from infidelity (dating others) however, if you’re courting someone, and you’re committed to eventually marrying this person, there should be plenty of conversations about your plans for marriage.  This is what can lead to the courting process of the relationship.

Obviously, you have to date the person to get to the courting stage, and as the man that’s courting her, you have to know what makes her smile about you.  I’m making it seem simple, but there’s a lot more to it than that. Just understand that her smile is like a preface to a book. You still have to write that book with her, and I employ you to be very mindful of how you want it to end. 

I sent the beautiful lady I met some flowers just to put a smile on her face. I still didn’t ask her out on a formal date to express my feelings in person. I can admit the thought of rejection entered my mind and controlled me in asking her out.  If you’re thinking about courting a woman, you have to make yourself an asset to who she’s working to become. Courting her means that the families have become aware of the relationship and you’re meeting them to build up with them as well.  What I found is couples that have a plan to get married eventually, are more open to expanding public displays of affection, even in front of family members.  Dating to me is based on mostly feelings, and courting is based on having a plan for the future for both of you.

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